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(no subject)

Oct. 22nd, 2012 | 10:44 pm

Helllo my lovelies,

I have been able to reach my first GW of 130 but I seem to have hit a plateau. I read everyones posts and feel like I am huge compared to you all considering it seems like most of you weigh under 120 at the very least. I would love to reach my GW of 110 and see what my body would look like at that weight, but that seems so far away. I hate feeling like food owns me and I have no control over what I choose to put in my mouth. I don't want to resort to binging and purging either (unless its a last resort and I can't for some reaosn get out of eating a huge meal - for that I give myself a pass). I know that once I get the ball rolling its not hard to keep it going, so right now it is the hardest for my to stay motivated, so I just have to get past this hump and hopefully....I can be well on my way to 110 :)

Just so you all know I read each and every one of your posts and want you guys to know your not alone in your struggles

xox

Delilah

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(no subject)

Oct. 3rd, 2012 | 10:18 pm

The last 3 days have comprised of binging and purging and I am SO completely mad at myself. I have a question for you all, what is the longest you have gone without eating? It seems impossible for me to go even a day without eating :(

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(no subject)

Sep. 27th, 2012 | 09:59 pm

Restricted all day, the feeling of emptiness has never felt so good.

It better pay off tomorrow

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Keep on going....

Sep. 26th, 2012 | 07:05 pm

Hey lovelies,

I'm restricting pretty well, eating almost next to nothing. I wish I could go an entire day without eating, but I almost need a little something to get me through the day. Unfortunatly I have been so busy with school I have not been able to get to the gym :( I know food is my main struggle though, so as long as I keep restricting I should be okay.

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning, see where I am at. I won't eat anything the rest of today so that should push me over the edge.

On another note, school is kicking my ass right now. I'm in my last year of University, in April I will be done school FORVER....well maybe not forever but you know what I mean.

I want to weight 115 lbs soooo badly, I am tired of being the fat girl. Once I feel more confident I will post some pictures for you all.

Take care beauties

Delilah

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Progress!!

Sep. 25th, 2012 | 01:33 pm

So I am actually sticking to my word shockingly. My intake over the weekend was very minimal and I managed to lose 3 lbs already. Its my best girl friends birthday this Saturday coming up, and my challenge was to see how much weight I could lose in 1 week. I think I am on the right track. I am starting to feel less controlled by food every day.

My next goal after that is to see how much weight I can lose for Halloween. I would love to weigh in around 120-125 :)

Love

Delilah

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why do i do this to myself???

Sep. 22nd, 2012 | 01:10 pm

Hey lovelies,

I haven't posted in 107234873 years, but I know if I am ever feeling down or discouraged this is the place I can find support and some sanity. I feel like NO ONE gets how I feel, but when I read all your posts I feel like I'm not alone.

I constantly struggle with food, body image, self esteem, and just happiness in general

All I have ever wanted is to be happy with myself - I know in order for me to be happy I need to feel beautiful..

To me...beautiful = thin...for me personally, the standards I set for myself I don't enforce on others. I have always wanted to be SUPER thin...just having that feeling where everything looks good on you, and you can wear whatever you want.

I have only felt like that maybe 1 or 2 times ever in my life, so I know it possible.

I am tired of letting food control my life, its all I ever think about and its exhausting. I need to consume myself with other things, and stop thinking about food which always ultimatly leads to a binge/purge

Right now I weight 137 lbs and my ULTIMATE goal weight is 115..so I will post everyday, and I WILL reach my goal no matter what.

Love you alll

Delilah

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(no subject)

Nov. 14th, 2011 | 12:34 am

Hey all,

I haven't posted in a few months, but not THAT much has changed. I had a great summer, although I wasn't able to lose much weight...maybe 10 pounds ish. And I've struggled with wanting to lose weight the healthy way, or by ana and mia. Honestly, I love food, so the idea of not eating any just doesnt seem realisic to me. However, that being said, I have noticed that I am eating smaller portions of everything I eat (for the most part) which I think has curbed some of my over eating tendencies. What I really want is to eat healthy, small portions throughout the day, and workout daily. I want to be that healthy fit girl I used to be, and I know I can feel great. The thing is, I just can't seem to muster up enough will power in order to make it happen. Its weird because I've done it before, so whats stopping me from doing it again? The only thing standing in my way is ME. I know my bf would support me if I told him I really needed to stick to this plan, but I feel that its so much easier just to eat whatever for snacks n dinner when we are together. But, at this point in my life, I hate lookin at pics of myself, and I hate going shopping for clothes. I want to feel good again, I hate feeling like the "fatty". Life is too short to waste it hating yourself and your body, don't you think? Anyways, I want to document my weight loss on the website, take pictures, weight, measurements...etc. I'll weigh myself and take stats tomorrow. Anyway, hopefully someone reads this and finds some inspiration from it.

Delilah

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why do i do this to myself???

Apr. 15th, 2011 | 12:42 am
mood: depresseddepressed


Hey all,


Today...could have been a goood day..basically ate nothing today..a small banana..half a sandwich...which I purge up because apparantly thats what i do all the time now...when did that happen?

Then I went to a friends place to study allll day...drank some diet pepsi and SF redbull....feeling good..hungry but nothing crazy

Then I go visit my BF at work (we work at a restaurant together) and of couuuurse....he offers to get me some food...and...I just can't resist....so i order my fave thing on the menu: a fig brie grilled chicken sandwich with garlic mayo and a huge plate of french fries and  i GO TO TOWN.....tastes sooo good..

but as soon as im done...that familliar feeling of guilt, shame, and defeat wash over me...and i start to hate myself...soo i start chugging back some water....

10 minutes later i go to the washroom and purge it allll up...well most of it..

when i got home i purged up the rest...

why do i do this??? i HATE purging....i don't even feel like i get skinny at all when i purge...but sometimes i just use it as a last resort when i know i can't take it nemore and i give in....

:(

so....tomorrow..as punishment...i'll have ONE piece of fruit...a nice juicy apple...and thats it....i need to prove to myself that i have some god damn will power left...

so..off i go now...im going to read breaking dawn for the 3rd time instead of studying for my exam tomorrow morning....



sincerely,



Delilah


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(no subject)

Apr. 14th, 2011 | 12:04 am

Just purged......which felt good and bad all at the same time...it felt good becaue normally when i purge...I know its because I binged...this time I just wanted to purge a small plate of food I just ate..feels different..nice..wow im fucked

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(no subject)

Apr. 13th, 2011 | 11:36 pm
mood: annoyedannoyed

Intake:

1 apple

1 banana

1 small bag of chips (baaaaad girl)

a few cheese clices

1 piece of rye bread

cup 1/2 of veggies w/chix

TOOO MUCH :(


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